who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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