You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
