My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
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You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...