At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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