its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
