non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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