I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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