I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize