I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Let's paint friendship bongs
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
