last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So many bounce houses so little time
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
