Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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