How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
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