i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
