who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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