the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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