so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
