It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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