some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
