dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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