what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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