just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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