Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
