Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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