Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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