I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
