i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
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Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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