But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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