You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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