i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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