fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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