nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.