i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.