I want to make a zoo with you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
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All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.