how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
