We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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