you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize