Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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