I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
