my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
