There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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