Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
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I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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