Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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