ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
