i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
