you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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