He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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