Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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