i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
