I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize