I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
