It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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