we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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